This morning I decided (actually to be honest, it was last night before I went to bed) I was going to have what my Chef Jesse (who is a gorgeous Maori boy) calls a MDO - 'Maori Day Off'. I think that's priceless and only feel comfortable saying it cos he does! I didn't have a whole MDO, only a couple of hours in the morning. You know, I just felt like I wanted to go slow today and hey, after almost 7 years of grafting it in our business and honestly only having about 3 sicks days in the entire 7 years, I thought, buggar it. I work hard, I deserve it! Then I found myself justifying it all day. I felt guilty for sleeping in and taking it slow! Why????? Why is it women feel they can't take time out without having a nagging sense of guilt, oh and why do we always say SORRY!
Got to work at 11 am, still feeling guilty! Phoebe announced, "I've always wished it would snow on my birthday" and well, her wish came true. Phoebe works for me, she's the most gorgeous young woman and today she turned 24. She's a "mini me" - much like I was when I was in my 20s; just less outrageous, less outlandish and definitely not a flirt like I was and still am. She's happy, bubbly, outgoing, friendly and full of life, oh and never stops talking. She's part of the reason I want to write this blog, she inspires me and makes me want to remember life and reminds me of all the wonderful things I've done, people I've met and experiences and romances I've had.
For her birthday I gave her a card and in the card was an insert with this written on it:
Legends say that hummingbirds float free of time, carrying our hopes for love, joy and celebration. The hummingbird's delicate grace reinds us that life is rich, beauty is everywhere, every personal connection has meaning and that laughter is life's sweetest creation.
Phoebe's the hummingbird in my day. Today we watched as the snow flew past the windows of the cafe. I felt like a child again and was so excited when we stood outside and waived our arms around. For just a brief moment, nothing mattered. It's a great feeling acting like a kid every now and again and even adding the odd tantrum on occasion :-)
It's just after 5.30 pm and we're settled in for the evening. Finally managed to get some time on the laptop and my sister's standing here prattling on about something or other. Going from being sisters and best friends who see eachother very regularly, like almost daily, to having her move in is, well, different! I love my sister, no question about that. It's amazing though how I realise what my little intolerances are with people. I'll get over myself. After all, she and Grace, my 8 year old niece have moved in because they needed to be with family and have somewhere with stability whilst my sister gets her life back on track. Stop being selfish Steph and think how damn lucky you are having a warm home, a wonderful husband, a beautiful son, a wonderful business and a happy existence. If I can offer some of that to someone else, isn't that what life's about.
It's only really been recently I've started having those "if we're not alive to love and share life with family and friends and be there for them, then why are we here?" moments. It's become quite apparent to me people are what makes the difference in our lives. Yes, experiences are a part of what makes us who we are too. An old friend of mine came to see me recently to tell me he was dying - WOW! I'm not going to share the entire details of our 2 hour conversation other than to say, it sure makes you value being alive and well.
Enough rambling. Husband's pacing, reading over my shoulder to see what I'm writing. "What does that sentence mean" he asks? "Go away, it's not for your eyes" I say. "It's public viewing" he says. Perhaps the more diplomatic response would have been "nothing dear, you wouldn't get it, you're not a women". He's still lurking. I ask, "what are you doing". He says, "I can't use my computer and my Kindle (electronic book which I gave him for his birthday present - best present ever by the way, he loves it) is charging". So he's pacing around like a bored lion.
Master 9 just arrived in from the "snow" (hail actually) is grumpy and soaked to the bone. The fun quickly has turned to disappointment and irrtability. "Mummy, I'm wettttttt, my snow man is brokennnnnnn, I'm hungry, what can I put on", all with the terrible, high pitch whinge to back it up. What I want to reply is "so what, why do I care, I just want to sit here and drink my glass of red and write my blog". And in my head the fantasy goes something like Dad intervenes, get's him dry, clothes him, feeds him, tops up my glass of wine and starts cooking tea. Dream a little dream...... (do fly buys offer "timeout" for your points)?
Dinner, hmmmm, what to make. I stole some fresh chicken from my cafe this arvo, with the idea of throwing something together. Chicken, bacon, mushroom penne pasta it is then, with some vegetables on the side. Not Hubby's favourite - he wouldn't dare say so, he knows what's good for him.
There's one thing I do know, I drink too much. What's too much you might ask? Well, at least two glasses of wine every night. Red wine normally. I can't survive without it. It's another part of my life I struggle with. I don't justify it, which is interesting, I just carry guilt about it. I should stop, I should cut back, for me, for my son, for my husband, for my family, always in my mind..... what do you think?
So, my "last words" for today are drawn from someone in history who has impacted on my life. A person who was obviously born to have impact on people's lives for generations to come. He was a British politician, a statesman and widely regarded as one of the great wartime leaders. He was wise, he was extremely funny, with a quick wit and sarcasim I can truly relate to. Every day I learn more about him, he puts a smile on my face. He is Winston Churchill.
"Last Words"
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. Winston Churchill
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